he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
