i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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