All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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