I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
