Dual....:-)
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
