I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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