Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That accounts for only three of the penises
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
