I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
