u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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