We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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