There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
