and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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