But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
