can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
4 words: hood of his car
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
where are my eyebrows?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
