Sponge bath it is.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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