No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
