I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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