I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize