Will you blow on my dice?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My hand turned me down
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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