Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Define "chronic" masturbator.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
