Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
