She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Couch. On fire.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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