If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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