I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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