Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
