I'm drive I can fine osifer
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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