i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
