If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
