i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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