You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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