shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
