Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Let's get the cat blown out
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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