They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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