I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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