He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
