i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
