Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
