we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
