Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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