if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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