What did we do last night that was yellow?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
