Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
