Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
