we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
