Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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