I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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