It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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