Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How does one acquire holy water?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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