I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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