if you like me you must not know who I am
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
