Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
