You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
