I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
