just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize