My underwear smells like fireworks.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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