what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
