dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
