I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
