Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I need moral support for this bender
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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