It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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