We should be called the Road Head Warriors
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize