I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
