Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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