I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
