guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
