Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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