Why does Corona taste like a burp?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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