Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize