at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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