I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
